Nokkrir góðir um Guinness og dálæti Íranna á þeim svarta.  Þessu stal Guinnessfélagið í einhverju ölæði af einhverri vefsíðu.  Rétt að láta aðvörun sem þar var fylgja hér með: 

"Some of these jokes contain language that may be offensive, if you've never been outside, watched television, seen a movie, or read a book. You have been warned." Þetta er allavega ekki verra en það sem finnst í sumum söngtextum!

An Englishman, A Scotsman, and an Irishman go into a pub, and each orders a Guinness.
Just as they’re about to take their first sips, a fly lands on the thick head of each pint.
The Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders a new one.
The Scot picks the fly out of the glass, tosses it away and dips into his drink.
The Irishman picks up the fly, holds it up close to his face, and bellows, “Spit it out ya bastard, spit it out!!”

After an international convention of brewers, the chief executives from several major companies go out together to a local watering hole.
At the bar, the head of Corona says, “Bartender, give me the best beer in the world. I’ll have a Corona!”
The Anheuser Busch chief says, “I’m going to have the best beer in the world. Give me a Budweiser!
The fellow from down under, with the same introduction, orders a Foster’s, and the German guy does the same with a Beck’s.
Finally, the Guinness brewmaster pipes up. “I’ll have a Coke, please.”
The assembled are all stunned, and show it.
After a moment, the Irishman says to them, “Well, if you chaps aren’t drinking beer, neither will I.”

Brenda O’Malley is home as usual, making dinner, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.”
“Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”
“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery...”
“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me...”
“I must, Brenda. Your husband Mick is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”
Brenda reached a hand out to her side, found the arm of the rocking chair by the fireplace, pulled the chair to her and collapsed into it. She wept for many minutes. Finally she looked up at Tim.
“How did it happen, Tim?”
“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”
“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”
“Well, no Brenda... no.”
“No?”
“Fact is, he got out three times to pee.”

An Irishman comes into a small neighborhood bar one day and orders three pints of Guinness. He sits at a table and takes a sip from each mug in turn, continuing until all three are empty. Then he goes to the bartender and orders three more.
The bartender asks why he doesn’t just get one at a time, so they’ll stay fresher and colder.
“Well,” says the Irishman, “I just moved here from Ireland, and left my two dear brothers at home. We made a promise to each other that whenever we drink, we’ll pour a pint for whichever brother isn’t there.”
The bartender thought this was beautiful -- in a manly way, not weepy or girly or anything. As the Irishman became a regular, the bartender knew to expect him to always order his three beers.
One day, the Irishman comes into the bar and orders two beers, and sits and drinks them. As he is ordering the second round, the bartender asks, “I don’t mean to pry, but is anything wrong with your family?”
“No, we’re all fine,” he says. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, I noticed you’ve only got one extra pint today. I was wondering if something had happened to one of your brothers?”
“Oh, no,” says the Irishman. “I just quit drinking!”

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer.  One man even leaves.
Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your
bet still good?”, asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”.
The Irishman replies, “Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.”

A bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. “I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits,” he says.
“You dirty git!” shouts the barmaid, “get out before I get my husband.” The bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. “I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your arse and lick it all off,” he says.
“You dirty filthy pervert. You’re banned. Get out!!” she storms. Again, the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again. “One more chance,” says the barmaid. “Now - what do you want?”
“I want to turn you upside down, open your flaps and fill your pussy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup.”
The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who’s sitting quietly watching the telly.
“What’s up love?” he asks.
“There’s a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off”, she says.
“I’ll kill him. Where is he?” storms the husband.
“Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my arse cheeks and lick it off!” she screams.
“Right. He’s dead,” says the husband, reaching for a cricket bat.
“Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my fanny with Guinness and then drink it all!” she cries.
The husband puts down his bat, returns to his armchair, and switches the telly back on. “Aren’t you going to do something about it?” she cries hysterically.
“Look love, I’m not messing with someone who can drink 15 pints of Guinness...”